Movie Remake Mania

Let me be about the millionth person to utter the following statement: Hollywood, please cease with the horror movie remakes. Since we all know it’s never going to happen, can we at least a reduction in the amount being green lighted or fraction of common sense to the process. I can understand Hollywood wanting to make US versions of foreign movies. Many Americans refuse to watch movies from other countries because they “don’t want to read the screen” or “cant handle the bad dubbing” – the latter of which isn’t much of an issue anymore. It is a shame however. Over the last few years, other countries have made more original and better horror movies than here in America. But to remake all of these US movies from the 70’s and 80’s is silly. No one will ever convince me there is a shortage of good and original scripts collecting dust on a shelf that couldn’t be made instead.

Let’s face the truth. The track record of remakes, or my favorite movie term “re-imaging”, and pointless sequels isn’t very good. Once in a while you get one better than the original. The Hills Have Eyes is an example, or least from what I can remember about the Wes Craven version. But most of the time, the results are far worse. Take a number of examples over the last few years The Fog, Pulse, The Hitcher, The Grudge, Black Christmas, Dark Water, The Wicker Man, and the hits keep rolling on.

The problem is these bad movies are actually making the studios money. Most of the time they are fairly inexpensive to make (unless a big named actor is involved – another increasing trend) and requires little in box office revenue and DVD sales to make money. The studios make sure the movie is released as PG-13 (like just about every thing else released anymore) so a wider audience will have a chance to spend money. Then the movie gets released on DVD as unrated with scenes not seen in theaters. What a f***ing joke! And with Premonition, Motel Hell, The Eye, Funny Games, One Missed Call, The Invasion, Prom Night, I Am Legend, Sisters, and Friday the 13th (a "re-exploration", which is another great term) all slated in the to be released in the next year, there is no end in site.

The US is in a horror rebound! The genre is back and it’s cool as ever. And maybe that’s the problem. The subject matter that was once taboo and not made for teenagers are now being remade for that same audience, only in a lighter themed version which requires little thought. It boggles my mind how a script, worse than the original movie, get produced. And it pains me to see certain CLASSIC movies get remade.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre, though all right thanks to R. Lee Ermey and the white painted-on tank top of Jessica Beil, was not needed. Gus Van Zant remade back in 1998 almost entire shot for shot, which the exception of a masturbation scene. That movie was a complete waste of money and not needed. Now Rob Zombie is remaking Halloween. While I am a fan of his previous efforts and was kind of excited until I found out the movie wasn’t a sequel. Instead it will be a “retelling” (another one of my favorite movie terms), but the original is perfect. There is no need to remake it. Hell I’m sure some egghead has the bright idea to retell Citizen Kane too.

If Hollywood really wants to remake some horror movies, then dig a little bit. Pick some obscure flicks, one that could use another go around. Make sure the screenplay works before going on to production. And leave the great ones alone. Maybe try and update some movies from 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s. Now I’m a big fan of the Jacques Tourneur movies I Walked with a Zombie and Night of the Demon, why not give these the ole remake try. On second thought, CGI monsters or a serial killer would just replace the moodiness of those films. Just forget the whole damn idea.

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