Life Changing Situation (Dealing with Grandma)
You may know from previous posts that my 85 year old grandmother has dementia. It's been about a year since it was officially diagnosed. Looking back I think the signs were there almost two years ago. Read about the trails and tribulations in this previous post "My Grandmother"
Flash forward to beginning of the year. I decided to hire a part time caregiver after my sister moved out. For the first three months it worked out fairly well. Sure we had issues but it was manageable.
Then about two months ago, for a couple of reasons I had to hire a second caregiver to help out. In the last month she's covered most days almost all her waking hours (about half the day).
During this time grandma started to display more frequent violent outburst towards the caregivers, my sister, and me. It was either a verbal or physical episode nearly every day for the last month. She has also started falling more frequently. Many days, her confusion has increased. About once a month I'd get a call from LifeLine and an trip to the hospital emergency room followed.
For the couple weeks I've been debating a lot of scenarios. It became clear to me that Grandma was unable to stay by herself. Three options were the choices: Round the clock in-home care, moving her to Fort Wayne with me, or moving her to an assisted living facility. Each presents its own problems and hazards.
I always told her that I'd keep her at home as long as I could. 24 hour in-home care is just too expensive for the finances she has left. It was always out. Keeping her out any type of facility was my top priority. It always felt like a death sentence. Moving her in with me proved to be the strongest candidate and also the one with the most issues. My work is incredibly unpredictable. It requires travel and weird hours. I would have to see about getting reduced schedule. Then there was my house. It simply isn't big enough. The need to buy something new, in my price range, and with a certain layout would be a must. Then I'd have to either try to sell or rent my current house. Even with all these red flags, it was the decision I was leaning towards.
Then everything came to a head last week. She fell again. Another night at the hospital to make sure nothing was broke. A couple of days later we took her to the doctor to get checked up. He basically confirmed what I was already thinking. The doctor said she could no longer live alone and should be in assisted living. He went over the reasons why moving Grandma in with me wasn't a smart idea. Coincidentally the assisted living facility we were on the waiting list for called the day before the doctor visit with an available apartment.
After weighing all the options based on her care and her savings, I made one of the decisions I have ever made. Moving her to the assisted facility at the end of the week. I broke the news to her and was met with the "I dont want to leave my home" saying over and over. I spent the two days mopping around feeling guilty and questioning if I made the right call.
Today the realization came over me that it was the right decision.
I still dont feel any better about it.
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